Qui(e)t

 I have a new lover and I dont know how to deal with it.

I wish to tell him so many things but I get paralyzed with the memories of the way you treated me when I spoke my mind.

Im so afraid of being unlovable that I become numb.

I hate how the wounds that you caused me are so not healed yet. How they are ripping open when my new lover's kind hand moves gently over my skin. I feel the cuts and scratches bleeding again.

Im not healed yet, Im not ready yet.

I wonder if I'll ever be. So insecure and sad and hopeless. 

So from all the marvelous things I want to tell my new lover, when I look at his eyes instead I see yours, and so, I say nothing.

WITHdrawal

It's been just a few hours. I did my best to say goodbye, did my best to hold you a bit longer, to feel your warmth a bit longer, but I didn't want to cry.

I'm in my bed, pants, sweater and a blanket, but I'm so cold, and somehow I'm sweating like if I'm in a fever.

You hugged me tight and while looking at my soul through my eyes you said "well meet again". I couldn't open my mouth, or you'll hear my voice breaking, so I nodded and fake smile you didn't believe on.

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep, I'm having issues to breath. My thoughts are running around the last few days, and I feel my body shake in small tremors that keep me awake.

I did my best to hold your hand in mine a bit longer, to feel your touch on my skin a bit harder. You held my face with your soft hands, closed your eyes and went for my lips. A kiss. One last kiss, and then, you walked away.

It's been just a few hours, but I can attest what they say is true: withdrawal is so hard to go through.