Memories of steamy and soft couch kisses

 It's been 10 years since the first time I kissed your lips.

We were laying in your couch, watching TV a Friday evening. Your dog was a few steps away, snoring.

And then, at some point and with a self confidence I envy now, I lent over and kissed you.

And we kept kissing all night. At first it was small, shy kisses until they became intense and steamy.

I remember leaving your house that day floating in a bubble of pink love and happiness.

I often envy the 21 year old me that kissed you that day. I know we are meant to change, but I don't like what I have become. What I allowed you to do to me during those years together, weights on my shoulders and suffocates me often.

There hasn't been a single day I haven't thought about you since 10 years ago. You were part of my life for almost a 3rd of my life. I repeat that again and again in my head every time I start being hard on myself for not forgetting you yet. 

How could I move on so fast after losing not only the love of my life but my best friend?

It just makes sense right, that I have a hard time getting over you? 

After all, you ment so much to me. And I wonder if you still think of me everyday the way I do. And if somewhere in an alternate universe, we are still on your couch kissing for the first time and forever.