A(new)ther Love - Klara's remix

I would like to take you to all my favorite places, 

but all the memories I have of them are with someone else

I'll give you the roses that used to grow on my heart

but its spoiled land and they won't flower now

I wish I could kiss, made us feel alright

but Im so tired of bracing lonely nights

I want to cry and I want to love you

but I used my tears on another love

On another love, another love

All my tears have been used up

On another love, another love

All my tears have been used up

On another love, another love

All my tears have been used up, up

If someone dares to hurt you, you know I'll fight

but my hands are cripple of fighting someone else's wars,

but I can use my voice, I'll be so freaking cruel

words wont hurt them but I'll still try to

and I'll write you verses that I've told no one else

but I've used all my lexus and gave it to someone else

And I want to cry, I want to learn of your love

but I used my tears on another love

On another love, another love

All my tears have been used up

On another love, another love

All my tears have been used up

On another love, another love

All my tears have been used up

Of love languages and neglect

I was thinking about the moments I valued the most from those few days, of how happy he seemed to be next to me. He would hold my hand all the time, and even look for it if I took it away for a minute.

I remember the tone of his voice and the smile on his face when he realized I had allowed him to be part of my life, because he knows I don't let people in my life that easily.

I remember his gentle touch when he kissed my forehead and the scowl on his face if I strayed away from him even in his sleep.

He held my hand in his, the room was dark and as we talk about who knows what, he scratched his eye with my knuckles. I remember the feeling of his eye leads on my skin, the moist of it forever in my memory. And his laugh as I asked him what was he doing and him not being able to say why he felt so comforted with my touch.

And the last night, I remember the way he swirl in bed and came close to me, eyes closed feeling the softness and warmth of my body, rubbing his face on my skin and letting go a big sigh of relief when he put his arm around me and hugged me. 

There I was, being loved and desired after so many years. After being told, we "no longer had to kiss that often now that we were 1 year into the relationship". Seeing his scowling upset face all the time, his huffs of dispairment when he was around me. How holding my hand and having me near him felt more like an obligation than something he enjoyed

How he was may be not even tired, more like annoyed or I would dare to say, grossed out of my company.

I think my love language has changed after that. Or I have discovered my second one if anything. I've always loved spending lots of time with the people I love, but now I also know, I like to be touched and kissed and hugged by my partner. After all the time I was neglected, and told how much of an annoyance it was for him to even kiss me on the lips, my new lover soft demeanor and smile on his face when he was around me, reminded me of something I had lost hope so long ago, an unthinkable concept.

That I am lovable too.

Qui(e)t

 I have a new lover and I dont know how to deal with it.

I wish to tell him so many things but I get paralyzed with the memories of the way you treated me when I spoke my mind.

Im so afraid of being unlovable that I become numb.

I hate how the wounds that you caused me are so not healed yet. How they are ripping open when my new lover's kind hand moves gently over my skin. I feel the cuts and scratches bleeding again.

Im not healed yet, Im not ready yet.

I wonder if I'll ever be. So insecure and sad and hopeless. 

So from all the marvelous things I want to tell my new lover, when I look at his eyes instead I see yours, and so, I say nothing.

WITHdrawal

It's been just a few hours. I did my best to say goodbye, did my best to hold you a bit longer, to feel your warmth a bit longer, but I didn't want to cry.

I'm in my bed, pants, sweater and a blanket, but I'm so cold, and somehow I'm sweating like if I'm in a fever.

You hugged me tight and while looking at my soul through my eyes you said "well meet again". I couldn't open my mouth, or you'll hear my voice breaking, so I nodded and fake smile you didn't believe on.

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep, I'm having issues to breath. My thoughts are running around the last few days, and I feel my body shake in small tremors that keep me awake.

I did my best to hold your hand in mine a bit longer, to feel your touch on my skin a bit harder. You held my face with your soft hands, closed your eyes and went for my lips. A kiss. One last kiss, and then, you walked away.

It's been just a few hours, but I can attest what they say is true: withdrawal is so hard to go through.