Qui(e)t

 I have a new lover and I dont know how to deal with it.

I wish to tell him so many things but I get paralyzed with the memories of the way you treated me when I spoke my mind.

Im so afraid of being unlovable that I become numb.

I hate how the wounds that you caused me are so not healed yet. How they are ripping open when my new lover's kind hand moves gently over my skin. I feel the cuts and scratches bleeding again.

Im not healed yet, Im not ready yet.

I wonder if I'll ever be. So insecure and sad and hopeless. 

So from all the marvelous things I want to tell my new lover, when I look at his eyes instead I see yours, and so, I say nothing.